Stage fright

I never used to get nervous at interviews. I just used to think, “Welllll if I don’t get it, I don’t get it.” (That being said, until the age of 30 I got every job I ever applied for.)

Now I panic as an interview approaches. It feels like stage fright (which is odd since I don’t suffer from actual stage fright.) But with a family and a mortgage so much is riding on an interview. And it doesn’t help that I’ve had quite a few rejections lately. One job I applied for had over 300 applicants and it wasn’t any sort of glamorous job.

The thing is, every time someone says, “We were impressed by you but there were others with more closely-matching skills,” all you actually hear is, “We don’t want you, you’re not good enough.” Eventually that sticks in your brain and starts to defeat you.

So here I sit on a bench, waiting to go in to start a 5-hour interview process, trying to tell those voices that they’re wrong, that I’m great, that someone is going to see what a great asset I am one of these days…

and to not throw up. That’d be good.